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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

i can't believe 4 years have passed since my last entry! :O

i'm sure a lot of things have happened to everyone. now this feels really weird; it feels like returning to a house you've lived in for quite some time and discovering that the whole village is now actually a ghost town.

well something to that effect.

hello blog friends, are you still here? should i resume posting here or make another one?

Posted at 05:44 am by wanderingpanda
uy may humirit...(1)  

Saturday, September 08, 2007
back to blogging

i woke up early today to find the skies cloudy, our fishies asleep, and my father preparing for church. There's the warm bag of pan de sal on the table. and and and, the dsl is now up and running. :) blog blog blog again :) 

Posted at 07:27 pm by wanderingpanda
uy may humirit...(1)  

Monday, February 20, 2006

around 2am earlier i went out alone and ate the hottest instant noodles in 7-11.

i cried and people stared at me.

funny earthlings.

Posted at 02:53 pm by wanderingpanda
uy may humirit...(6)  

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


Tonight we watched danny cannon's Goal! on the bigscreen. well of course it was an unplanned movie date, with me hitching on the last minute after learning that one of my friends brought her mtrcb pass (which means free entrance for another companion = me). 

just like any other sports film, here you'll see life and all its struggles romanticized and in the form of a game - finals, tied scores, screaming/cheering audience, sweat on the forehead, slo mo, silence - kick, score, triumph, end credits. i enjoyed it by the way.

but it's a sad truth that in real life there are no audiences.  people everywhere fight their battles in the quiet corners of their rooms, inside their cubicles during office hours, or at dawn in their secret places crying their hearts out to God. sometimes i cant help but wish that i'm that kind of person, the basketball player, the comic, the all out funny person everybody would love to be with or would love to watch. no dull moments.

but then again as one friend told me, at least i'll know who to treasure - those that  comfortably sit beside me even as i remain silent, even if i tell my weirdest ideas or do the dumbest things. nothing spectacular.


too nice. of all the words that people would use to describe me, these two hurt the most. whenever i meet these two, i feel that doors have been shut down, and people have stopped their efforts to know me more; once again i feel that i am placed in that sad box labeled 'harmless christian'. of course i know that i'm exaggerating things. but then again perhaps i'm not. i dont know why but something inside me is crushed each time i hear people assessing me as such. it is as if every ideal i hold, each dream i long to reach, the person i try to become, everything i'm praying for - suddenly they all amount to nothing for that person. or perhaps that person never really saw through me; he/she never got past that superficial layer of everyday cheerfulness and never saw the real me -  the one that cries, that laughs,  that gets angry, frustrated,lonely,  the one that loves.  and that is a sadder truth.

will you get past this stage? have you closed doors? do you really see me?

we'll see where my heart will take me.

Posted at 11:22 am by wanderingpanda
uy may humirit...(1)  

065:dreamer's lullaby


Posted at 11:08 am by wanderingpanda

Saturday, February 04, 2006
064:silent affirmation


early morning today as i entered our kitchen there was a long streak of light that crossed the whole of the room. it was so visible one can almost touch it; it was as if i can almost step on it, step up until i reach its source. from the window where it entered the room, cobwebs dance.  cobwebs shining, such little frames with so many details. 

fresh wonderful sunlight. telling me everything's going to be alright.everything's fine in the morning, new mercies.

morning whispers:

i will find me,

i will be passionate.

i will be happy.



Posted at 03:40 pm by wanderingpanda
uy may humirit...(1)  

Tuesday, January 24, 2006
063: someday.



i remember watching disney's glorified version of hunchback of notre dame years ago just to see quasimodo sing that wonderful song (but he never did).

right now i feel so quasimodo-ish, wanting to retreat to my own sanctuary, my version of the notre dame terrace -  looking down on all the people, wondering why i dont fit in , waiting for people to look straight into my eyes and speak to me like they know me.

the book tells me i'm a pilgrim and yes, i believe it i feel it; but sometimes walking along these roads i cant help but ask of the book why we all cant be pilgrims speaking the same language -  why we cant head for the same direction, why we can't all have the same heart.

sometimes i feel bad, being the unlearned one; why can't i be wise enough to understand things?

why can't i accept things?

Someday, when we are wiser
When the world's older
When we have learned
I pray, someday we may yet live
To live and let live

Someday life will be fairer
Need will be rarer
And greed will not pay
God, speed this bright millennium
On its way, let it come

(Quasimodo of novaliches steps back, sighs and returns to his chamber.)

Posted at 11:13 am by wanderingpanda

Saturday, January 21, 2006
062: the battle

so it's settled: nanay, wawel,and pacquiao vs dex daddy ate, and morales, for the fate of 1 whole grilled chicken.

will update you again later.

Posted at 05:29 pm by wanderingpanda
uy may humirit...(2)  

061:chasing you.



guhit ni wawel (first colored paintbrush work yey!)

from Max Lucado:

The single most difficult pursuit is truth and love.

This sentence is grammatically correct.  I know every english teacher would like to pluralize it to read: The most difficult pursuits are those of truth and love. But that's not what i mean to say.

Love is a difficult pursuit.

Truth is a tough one,too.

But put them together, pursue truth and love at the same time and hang on baby, you're in for the ride of your life. Love in truth. Truth in love. Never one at the expense of the other. Never the embrace of love without the torch of truth.  Never the heat of truth without the warmth of love...

To pursue both is our singular task.

Posted at 03:22 am by wanderingpanda
uy may humirit...(2)  

Friday, December 30, 2005
060: wanderingpanda's year

i'm still here, alive and complete, after 2005. perhaps i've changed, perhaps not. but definitely, 2005 will go down in my personal history as the year that challenged my faith(yay pa-profound). i wouldnt say that i glided easily past those bumps and dead ends; i have scars now, but still i must and can say that i'm still here just because of grace.

and now for the trivias :)

2005 took me to the ride of my life, working wherever projects were available - makati, katipunan, home  - and for the latter part of the year, novaliches.

i've learned to sing in public videokes this year, a big change from singing in private (i e bathroom). not that i've really learned how to sing, i just managed to tell myself, "this is a large bathroom, this is a large bathroom.."

2005 became a fruitful year for pitikbulag productions, and thank God for miraculously patient co-workers, i'm still part of that family. i'm looking forward to making our dream projects this year with you guys. guy and girls i mean. ;)

2005 taught me how to play happy bday to you and joyful joyful we adore thee on  violin.and of course i look forward to playing my favorite songs this year :D

2005 made me open myself more to people; i've even shown some my drawings right from my doodlebook, which a year ago would've been as good as showing my private parts.

2005 took me closer to my family, for i've realized that sooner or later things will change (and indeed changes are starting; soon i'll have a niece/nephew)- now is the most precious time to spend with them.

2005 gave me songs whose lyrics i'd nibble word to word everyday

this year's top films seen on dvd courtesy of quiapo: heartlands, you and me and everyone we know, and  howl's moving castle. i'll watch them all over again with you anytime =)

2005 taught me how to affirm myself and what i believe and what i am, though i forget everything in the morning

i've met a lot of friends this year - melai, menans, mambing, jeptan,leo, angel, kuya guard,manong guard,mr. guard and the rest of the wonderful people of public affairs dept of abc5, boss jim who've taught me a lot and affirmed me about the real things that i want to do and mean so much to me, beewai my online friend, ate mima and kuya leo and their bright young jakejake, and many others.

sigh, this year taught me how to love from a distance, and soon i'll have the answer to the magic question,  whether those who attempt to cross the line of friendship do make it back.

i've learned that no matter how you want to be honest,transparent,vocal, blatant about everything, you shouldnt expect people to respond the same way. time is always the ready solution. and you wont always have time.

i've learned that smiling at strangers does have a magical effect on your day.

this year, whenever i go to public places alone(i e mall etc) i've humored myself by waving, smiling, and making faces at babies/children when their parents are turned away from me. (i usually try it on the escalator)

eli's girlfriend saw me waving goodbye to a dog and i had a very hard time making an excuse.

this year i went up the prayer mountain alone.

2005 found me alone up that mountain, in a field of makahiyas, and i spent an afternoon alone trying to make them all fold up. success. hey i was praying while doing that.  

i know, this is becoming a painfully long entry, so i must end this for now.

basta, itong taong ito, kung saan saan ko binigay ang puso ko; kung saan saan ko rin napulot.

ayos lang.

basta ang mahalaga, buo pa rin ako. puro peklat puro lamat, pero alam kong habang ginagawa ko to, mas lumalaki ang kapasidad kong magmahal. at tange, hindi lang tungkol sa lovelife and tinutukoy ko.

ipagdasal nyo ko ha, ipagdadasal ko rin kayo.

happy new dear year everyone!!

Posted at 01:34 pm by wanderingpanda
uy may humirit...(2)  

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